Why Did You Write That?
I get asked that question a lot. Every composer does. I get that question and others like “What were you feeling when you wrote that?” or “What is this piece about?” Interviewers have to ask questions like that. And musicians have to make up interesting answers like “I’m trying to create world peace”, “I am vibrating the heart Chakra to clear your blocks”, ‘I am protesting the war in ________ (conflicts vary by era)” or “I lost my _____ (girl, boy, mom, car, job, dog, faith, way)”
Unfortunately the real answer is not so interesting. “Uh… I dunno. Its what I thought of when I was sitting at the piano”
All the answers, I’m afraid, are after the fact. First I write the music and then I figure out why I did it. Or more accurately I make up a story as to why I did it. Well, that does not make for an interesting interview so we music types are obligated to go on all day about the shades of sound, the vibrational centers in the body and the importance of reducing carbon emissions. But is there really a connection between that and the act of writing a tune?
Not for me. Even if I really want to write a piece about something. If that particular something appears in the piece it is not because I wanted it. It is because the music gods wanted it and one of two things happened. I just happened to want what they wanted at that time or they made me want to do that in the first place so I could think I actually had some say in the process. Which, as far as I can tell, I don’t.
All the explanations come later. I am really convinced of this. So if there is a connection between what I think I did and what actually happened it is pretty much a coincidence. Actually, its a bit of a delusion, a pretty delusion to be sure but a delusion none the less. I suppose we all want to believe we have control over things. We want to see a connection between what we do and what happens. It makes us feel safe. But is it true? Uh… not that I can see. But hey, it doesn’t have to be true to make me feel safe. As a matter of fact the more delusional it is the better I feel.
So let’s look at what really happens or better said what I really experience. A bunch of events occur, one after the other. I sit at the piano. My fingers move, sounds appear in my mind and a piece of music happens. I play it. I record it. Someone hears it. All of that happens of course. But did the one thing happen because of the previous? Or did it all just happen? I mean I could have sat at the piano and no new music happened. So sitting at the piano does not cause the song to happen. Nor does a song happening mean that someone other than me will hear it. So exactly where is the causal connection? I assume a connection but looking closely at my actual experience there is just a series of events.
So I will continue to answer people’s questions about my music, although I’m not really sure it I can rightly call it mine. Calling it mine is the tail wagging the dog. None the less, I won’t buck convention and I will continue to explain how I am saving the whales, ending global warming, bringing peace to heavy hearts. And I actually hope all that will happen. But the real answer?
I didn’t. It just happened.
G – http://emptinessdances.com
